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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726947">Cherry pie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynandlouis/pseuds/maschoi'>maschoi (zaynandlouis)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Monsta X (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuckolding, Eventual Smut, First Times, Frottage, Incel - Freeform, Incelcore, Internalized Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Meet-Ugly, Misogyny, Other, Riding, Slow Burn, Young adult romance but make it realistic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:07:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynandlouis/pseuds/maschoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>stopping in front of the stairs, kihyun stands close enough to the kid that he knows he can be seen in the peripheral vision of his dead eyes. he brings the cup to his lips, leans his head back and chugs, much like minkyuk had at the beginning of the night. </p><p>he keeps the last swig in his mouth, enough to make his cheeks bulge out a bit. he holds the now empty cup out. the kid doesn’t even acknowledge it, but he is looking at kihyun.  </p><p>kihyun realizes he’s staring at his throat again. he swallows the punch.</p><p>the kid's eyes light up when his adam’s apple bobs. kihyun raises an eyebrow.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I Think I'm Tired</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>this is NOT a song fic. i don't think. but every chapter will roughly follow the narrative of the song used as that chapter's title. (i wanted to use real incel songs for the full playlist but i know they'd somehow find this and death by incel doxing would be a hack way to go.)</p><p>to be clear, this is a fic about changkyun being an incelcore cuck. it's dumb and fun and i guess i don't think he really is one cuz if i did it'd hurt his feelings. additional tags will be added as needed. pls enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>yeah have fun babe. tell min i said hi<br/><b>nu    </b>9:49 pm</p><p>kihyun locks his phone, looking up just as minhyuk comes to stand in front of him. he takes the red solo cup from minhyuk’s outstretched hand and smiles. the liquid sloshing around in the cup is pink. he brings it closer to his nose. “vodka cranberry?” </p><p>“house punch. i’m sure there is both vodka and cranberry juice in it,” minhyuk shrugs. “hyunwoo text you back?” </p><p>“yeah,” kihyun nods. he takes a sip of the punch. it leans more raspberry lemonade than cranberry juice. “he says hi.” </p><p>minhyuk makes a noncommittal sound in the back of his throat. “let’s get drunk,” he prompts, throwing his own drink back. kihyun watches, amused, as sticky liquid spills out from the edges of his mouth and drips down his chin. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>kihyun rolls his eyes. he’s been sitting at the kitchen bar, swiveling on a stool for at least a half hour.</p><p>minhyuk disappeared just before, walking backwards and guiding some poor soul up the stairs to scavenge an empty bedroom. kihyun’s not surprised. minhyuk does look pretty tonight, with glitter on his eyelids, his lips an artificial red. kihyun is sure his own face is oily by now. he didn’t plan ahead and bring any powder, so it’ll have to be part of the look.</p><p>the sound of cabinet doors opening and slamming brings kihyun back from his thoughts. </p><p>he blinks. there are people in the previously unoccupied kitchen. a girl is standing near the fridge. she’s fixing the cabinet door slammer with an unimpressed gaze. kihyun follows suit. they both stare as three more cabinets are opened and inevitably slammed shut.</p><p>“there aren’t any cups left,” kihyun finally offers. </p><p>the kid’s head snaps towards him. he’s probably about the same height as kihyun if they were both standing up. he’s got broad shoulders but he’s thin enough that his shirt hangs off him in a way that’s less than flattering. kihyun takes a second to register the design on said shirt. </p><p>
  <em> ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!  </em>
</p><p>when he finishes the last<em> ha!</em>, printed on the shirt in red, scratched up bubble font, he looks back up to the kid’s face and oh. eye contact. cool.</p><p>he fights the urge to squirm as he’s looked over. instead, he tries to read the kid’s facial expressions. </p><p>intrigue at his face, possible interest at his lips, confusion at his chest, and kihyun can’t quite place the emotion being displayed as something around his throat seems to catch his attention on the way back up. </p><p>“yeah,” a voice. the kid has a voice, a deep one, kihyun notes, “okay.”</p><p>seeming to regain whatever composure kihyun saying five words to him had broken, he closes the last cabinet he had been looking in much less aggressively and turns back towards the still, by kihyun’s read of her face, unimpressed girl. </p><p>he awkwardly corrals her out of the kitchen, throwing one last look back over his shoulder as he guides her across the living room. </p><p>kihyun watches him walk her over to the staircase, and thinks for a second they’re on their way to join minkyuk in rando fuck land. she stops him, though, at the bottom of the steps. when he turns around he looks upset but not surprised, like he already knew he was pushing his luck and was just waiting for it to come to an end. his face screams defeat and it peaks kihyun’s interest for some reason. he wonders if the kid gets rejected a lot. </p><p>from his seat at the bar, kihyun is looking more at his profile than anything and he notes that he has a large nose. it kind of fits his face, though. it’s kind of cute. </p><p>the girl is cute too, even if he can only see her backside right now. she has her hair dyed an unnatural color like his own, hers a faded teal instead of the orange he’d opted for. he remembers registering blunt bangs and thick black eyeliner when he looked at her in the kitchen. </p><p>she pulls her arm away from the kid, seemingly annoyed. the jerking motion makes kihyun realize he just spent ninety seconds evaluating the attractiveness of two arguing strangers and he sighs. this is why he doesn’t get out much. this, and hyunwoo, of course. </p><p>what’s the point in even going to parties when you have a significant other? minhyuk always invites him to these things, hyunwoo never seems to mind, and he has nothing better to do, so he comes. and he usually spends all night people watching, waiting for minhyuk to show back up and drive him home.</p><p>he allows himself to look back over at the bottom of the stairs, telling himself he’s just checking for minhyuk since he thought about him. the girl’s gone, the guy’s sitting on the last step. he’s leaning his head against the wall and staring blankly straight ahead.</p><p>kihyun sighs, again. he gets up and makes his way through the sweaty crowd in the living room like he’s in a goddamn coming of age movie. they all smell bad, but kihyun has come to realize that everyone smells bad in the humidity of a summer night in south flordia. it is pretty much the only thing he’s learned from attending these house parties with minhyuk, and another reason he’s not super fond of them.</p><p>stopping in front of the stairs, kihyun stands close enough to the kid that he knows he can be seen in the peripheral vision of his dead eyes. he brings the cup to his lips, leans his head back and chugs, much like minhyuk had at the beginning of the night. </p><p>he keeps the last swig in his mouth, enough to make his cheeks bulge out a bit. he holds the now empty cup out. the kid doesn’t even acknowledge it, but he is looking at kihyun.  </p><p>kihyun realizes he’s staring at his throat again. he swallows the punch.</p><p>the kid's eyes light up when his adam’s apple bobs. kihyun raises an eyebrow. </p><p>“still need a cup?” it sounds meaner aloud than kihyun meant it to, more mocking than helpful. maybe the house punch is a little stronger than he’d given it credit for.</p><p>“no,” the kid responds, finally meeting kihyun’s eyes. he looks away just as quickly.</p><p>“what’s your name?”</p><p>“changkyun,” as soon as his name is out of his mouth, the kid, changkyun, snaps his mouth shut. kihyun can tell he replied out of reflex and regrets it. which is fine, because kihyun’s not even sure why he asked for it.</p><p>“cute,” kihyun says after a pause. he can’t blame reflex, but he is pretty sure he’s drunk, so that’s the excuse he’ll be going with.</p><p>changkyun doesn’t ask his name, and doesn’t take the cup that kihyun is still stupidly holding out in front of him. he just goes back to glaring ahead. now that kihyun is beside him, he can follow his line of vision. he follows it through the living room, out the sliding glass door at the far end of the room, and into the pool.</p><p>there are two girls who seem to be on the shoulders of the guys in the pool, and in the dim lighting provided by neon flamingo string lights, he can tell they’re having some sort of pool noodle fight. he can’t hear them over the music in the house, but his brain fills in that there are probably lots of girly shrieks. it looks fun.</p><p>somebody elbows kihyun in the back to get by him and up the stairs. he stumbles forward, catching himself with a hand on changkyun’s knee. changkyun pulls away like the hand is lava  and kihyun’s head hits the wall.</p><p>“what the fuck?” kihyun is laughing in disbelief, pushing himself back to his feet with a hand on the stairs for balance. </p><p>“why’d you touch me?” changkyun is puffing his chest out, but still manages to look like he’s cowering away.</p><p>kihyun’s eyes go wide, his mouth hangs open. he doesn’t understand. “why’d you act like i burned you? you can’t be touched? weren’t you just trying to take a girl upstairs?” </p><p>“why are you over here? why are you talking to me?” changkyun sounds angry, but there’s something underneath it too. defensiveness, clearly, but more. if kihyun thought about it for a second more before replying, he might even find the word vulnerability coming to mind. he doesn’t, though.</p><p>“and what if i did? you think you’re hot shit or something?” that doesn’t even make sense, and kihyun doesn’t know why he’s getting so defensive back, but at least he has a new excuse to be saying dumb shit - a possible concussion. </p><p>when changkyun doesn’t answer, kihyun blinks expectantly.</p><p>changkyun looks up at kihyun’s temple, where his head just connected to the wall beside the stairs, and it’s pinker than the skin around it. a little semicircle of pink skin that bleeds into his orange hairline. </p><p>“are you wearing makeup or do you have a skin condition?” changkyun asks.</p><p>“excuse me?” kihyun is blinking again. </p><p>changkyun registers that he has mascara on and feels his chest tighten. he flushes hot again and opens his mouth, “why do you want to look like a girl?” </p><p>kihyun brain still feels fried. what the fuck is this kid talking about, and why does he keep answering every question kihyun asks him with another question? </p><p>“are you trying to fight me?” kihyun asks. </p><p>changkyun looks like a deer in headlights. he doesn’t know what he said to make kihyun think he was being challenged, but that’s not what he was trying to do. they’re about the same size, and kihyun is wearing makeup like a girl, but his arms look toned and changkyun doesn’t know how to fight. </p><p>“i have to pee.” </p><p>kihyun watches changkyun stand, turn, and run up the stairs. he trips on the top step and barely takes the time to recover before turning the corner, out of kihyun’s site. </p><p><em> what the fuck just happened</em>, kihyun thinks. his brain is trying to wrap itself around the interaction so hard that he can’t tell if his head hurts from thinking or from hitting the drywall. </p><p>“hey, earth to kihyun.” </p><p>kihyun blinks. right. minhyuk. the glitter that had once been on his eyelids now decorates his cheeks. there is no enamoured, poor soul in sight so he must have been shooed away already. </p><p>“hey,” kihyun answers, blinking a few times. </p><p>“you seem a bit out of it,” minhyuk is oh so observant. he tilts his head like a puppy when kihyun doesn’t say anything. “do you want to leave?” </p><p>“yeah,” kihyun nods. he looks back up the stairs, where changkyun had disappeared to and minhyuk had apparently reappeared from. the back of his neck heats up. he raises a hand to rub at his temple. “i think i’m tired."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Left On Read</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a>
</p><p>i could format messages/texts in fics 3,000 times and still be angered so i must accept this necessary evil. this is pretty much filler but also: fun. tw use of ~slur</p><p>enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>hey<br/>
<b>unknown    </b>10:46 am</p><p>kihyun sees his phone screen light up out of the corner of his eye, but he figures it's just minkyuk inquiring about his hangover status like he does every morning after they go out.</p><p>it is a bit early for minkyuk to have been raised from the dead on a sunday morning, but maybe he'd sobered up after vomiting out of a moving car on their way home. kihyun is so glad minkyuk had spotted some kid he knew from previous parties on their way out the front door, having to do very little convincing to get said kid to agree to give them a ride home. it beat kihyun's idea for an uber, and saved him that cleaning fee and bad rating. the kid had seemed more than willing to clean vomit off the side of his mom's nissan altima for the price of staring at minhyuk in the rear view mirror.</p><p>hell, maybe minkyuk compensated him more. kihyun got dropped off first, not even throwing a glance back at the car after he exited for fear the sight of the side of it covered in minhyuk's alcohol-sick would make his stomach queasy too. </p><p>a little nausea shiver comes over kihyun just thinking about it, so he stops. minhyuk can wait. for now, he snuggles into hyunwoo's side and turns his attention back to their usual sunday morning rom-com marathon. today, it's 13 going on 30.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"why's he ignoring me?" changkyun asks, laying back on jooheon's bed. he stares up at the popcorn ceiling above him, breathing out through his nose. he's pissed. </p><p>"he didn't even read it, did he?" it's been two hours since changkyun came over unannounced to complain about getting no reply to his text, and jooheon's tired of hearing about it. he's tried of changkyun being such a little bitch about it, in general. </p><p>"i don't know! i don't know if he has his fucking read receipts on, man," changkyun holds his phone up in front of his face. no new notifications. "he's being a bitch." </p><p>jooheon snorts. he loves changkyun, it's kind of a default of knowing someone since you were four. but the kid is so out of touch. </p><p>"you're the one acting like a bitch. do you need a hug?" jooheon replies, turning around in his gaming chair to hold his arms open mockingly. </p><p>"you're one to fucking talk!" changkyun shouts. he sits up so fast that his phone falls from his hand, off the bed and onto the floor. he's too pissed to notice. "you're the one who gave them a ride home because the one with glitter on his face acknowledged your existence again! i bet you were just waiting around for him to, too. at least i was trying to get my dick sucked by that alcoholic loser bitch." </p><p>jooheon is unimpressed. not even an f slur, so changkyun must not be too mad. jooheon knows he's a faggot for liking boys with bright dyed hair and obnoxious clothes. he's stopped pretending that getting a blowjob from a guy isn't gay if he closes his eyes. he's stopped closing <em>his</em> eyes. it's not his fault changkyun can't get anyone on their knees. maybe he should ask the person sucking to close <em>their </em>eyes.</p><p>he's about to suggest as much, when the sound of changkyun's phone vibrating makes both their eyes zero in on it. it's face down on the floor at the foot of jooheon's bed, and changkyun scrambles towards it. jooehon turns back around to his monitor.</p><p>hi. who is this?<br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>12:54 pm</p><p>"i didn't tell him who i was," changkyun groans. he slams his head back against jooheon's mattress. the floor hurts his ass. his hands are sweaty, kihyun doesn't have read receipts on.</p><p>changkyun<br/>
12:55 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>changkyun looks at the time stamp and cringes. </p><p>changkyun from last night? not to be rude, but how did you get my number?<br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>12:57 pm</p><p>jooheon<br/>
12:57 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>i don't know a jooheon?<br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>12:58 pm</p><p>"why'd he say he doesn't know you?" changkyun is getting frustrated. this isn't going the way he wants it to. </p><p>jooheon hums dismissively. he turns around to look at changkyun. he looks pathetic. he's curled up on the floor, hunched over his phone with his back against the mattress. his eyes are wild. jooheon sighs. "because i didn't give him my name? and minkyuk probably didn't check with him before giving me his number."</p><p>the words aren't out of his mouth before changkyun is back to ignoring him, thumb hovering over the send button anyways. whatever. </p><p>can u turn on read receipts <br/>
1:01 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>uh no? can you tell me who jooheon is? <br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>1:02 pm</p><p>he gave you a ride home last night<br/>
1:02 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>and what? got my number while i was helping my drunk friend puke? that's really not cool, changkyun.<br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>1:03 pm</p><p>changkyun glances up at jooheon, grateful that he finds him staring at his monitor again. his ears burn with the blush creeping up his neck. he said his name. in a kind of <em>mad </em>way.</p><p>he got your number from your drunk friend<br/>
1:05 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>the puking one<em><br/>
</em>1:05 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>oh. well then i have to go have a talk with minhkyuk about privacy. <br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>1:06 pm</p><p>goodbye, changkyun. <br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>1:07 pm</p><p>you're just going to leave? can't you talk to your friend and me wtf<br/>
1:08 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>did you need something?<br/>
<b>flat orange    </b>1:10 pm</p><p>changkyun grits his teeth. did he <em>need</em> something? does kihyun think he was doing him a favor, just by texting him back? fine, if he's doing favors. changkyun has one for him. </p><p>i need to get my fucking dick sucked<br/>
1:13 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>excuse me, changkyun?<em><br/>
</em><b>flat orange    </b>1:15 pm</p><p>fuck. changkyun sucks in a breath. he makes sure jooheon is still focused on his game. he is. </p><p>what? it's not like you're straight <br/>
1:17 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>no, changkyun. i'm not straight.<em><br/>
</em><b>flat orange    </b>1:18 pm</p><p><em>is he really that easy?</em>, changkyun thinks. </p><p>i have a boyfriend. <em><br/>
</em><b>flat orange    </b>1:19 pm</p><p>changkyun's dick twitches. </p><p>and even if i didn't, that's not how to approach someone you barely know. <em><br/>
</em><b>flat orange    </b>1:19 pm</p><p>you need to learn how to ask for things nicely.  <em><br/>
</em><b>flat orange    </b>1:20 pm</p><p>i just wanted to get a fucking blowjob<br/>
1:28 pm    <em>delivered</em></p><p>you're not really boyfriend material<br/>
1:31 pm    <em>read</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Invitation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a>
</p><p>this chapter was supposed to be pure character development but as we have established: i am gross, so they are gross, because i am writing them. </p><p>i know this chap's song in the playlist is Invitation but i just rlly think changkyun would enjoy the hit or miss :) girls :) so it's shared! i make the rules!  </p><p>tw for possible ED triggering talk about food</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"it's just like, who asks that?" kihyun sighs. he takes his muffin off the tray minhyuk just set on their table.  </p><p>"men?" minhyuk supplies.</p><p>kihyun takes note of the difference between his hand-sized blueberry muffin with sugar crumbles on top and the metallic yellow wrapping of minhyuk's protein bar that reads v<em>egan, gluten free, sugar free, dairy free</em>. whatever, he really needs this muffin. </p><p>"we're men. we don't act like that!" he whines, starting to peel the wrapper down the sides of said muffin. "hyunwoo doesn't act like that. he's not a pig."</p><p>kihyun finishes his sentence with a huge bite of his muffin. there's so much of it in his mouth that his cheeks bulge out like a squirrel hoarding nuts. minhyuk looks uncomfortable. </p><p>"comfort food," kihyun defends. his mouth is still full and a few crumbs fall onto his chin. minhyuk looks away and breaks off another bite of his protein bar. </p><p>"don't you think you're being a bit harsh?" minhyuk asks, "you're the one who went up to him at the party. he was probably still upset about that girl and figured you'd be an easy rebound."</p><p>kihyun is appalled. at least he swallows before letting his mouth hang open in shock. </p><p>"going up to someone at a party isn't an invitation for a blowjob, minhyuk!" kihyun whisper-yells, "i know you think i'm just a prude."</p><p>"i don't think you're a prude," minhyuk lies, "i just don't think it's that serious. he asked about your makeup, right? he probably thinks you went looking for someone to hookup with. besides, jooheon said he doesn't even date guys." </p><p>"wearing makeup isn't an invitation either," kihyun takes another, smaller, bite of his muffin and chews it quickly. "i could be wearing a skirt and giggling in his face and it's still not an invitation." </p><p>"i don't know, kihyun. when i go out dolled up it usually<em> is</em> an invitation," minhyuk sighs. is kihyun slut shaming him? he doesn't get a chance to ask before more muffin is being wolfed down and kihyun is speaking again. </p><p>"and you told jooheon? i told you not to!" </p><p>minhyuk rolls his eyes, trying to find anything to make eye contact with other than the remainder of the muffin. kihyun is making both impressive and concerning progress on it. "i just asked if changkyun said anything to him about you. he said changkyun doesn't date guys." </p><p>"well," kihyun sighs, "he did tell me i'm not boyfriend material." </p><p>"ah," minhyuk sits up, wrapping the empty half of his protein bar wrapper around the part he hasn't eaten. he reaches across the table to takes what's left of the muffin out of kihyun's hand before he can bring it to his mouth again. "maybe he thinks you're girlfriend material." </p><p>kihyun frowns and watches kihyun get up to throw the rest of their food away. he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>changkyun? do you have a moment to talk? <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:22 pm</p><p>changkyun's eyes go wide when he sees the notification. <em>hit or miss, i guess they never miss huh, </em>his brain supplies as he reads over the contact. </p><p>looking back at the actual message, he breathes and resists the urge to open it. kihyun has read receipts on for him, so he spends exactly five minutes continuing the scroll through his reddit home tab and ignoring the itch in his fingertips. </p><p>i guess<br/>
4:27 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>i want to talk to you about what you asked me <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:29 pm</p><p>changkyun rolls over on jooheon's bed to locate said jooheon. he's at his desk as usual, headphones on. changkyun doesn't recognize the game play on the monitor.</p><p>you do want to suck my dick now?<br/>
4:30 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>what? no, changkyun. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:31 pm</p><p>his name. why can't kihyun stop calling him by name? it makes his palms sweaty and he feels his temper flare a bit at his own lack of self control. </p><p>i want to talk to you about respecting people. it's extremely disrespectful to proposition people you don't know.<br/>
<b>miss   </b>4:32 pm</p><p>you talked to me about the party<br/>
4:33 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>that's not the point. you didn't even know if i was gay, so you clearly didn't know enough about me for that question to be appropriate. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:35 pm</p><p>changkyun takes note that kihyun is avoiding repeating what the question he asked actually was.</p><p>it's obvious you're gay<br/>
4:36 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>excuse me? why? because i was wearing makeup? <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:37 pm</p><p>because you look like a girl. but the makeup helped i guess<br/>
4:39 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>wearing makeup doesn't make you gay.<br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:40 pm</p><p>i don't wear makeup and i'm not gay<br/>
4:41 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>i was talking about myself, changkyun.<br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:42 pm</p><p>look, we're getting off track. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:42 pm</p><p>what i'm trying to say is that i didn't do anything to invite that kind of question. and you need to understand that. i need to make you understand that. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:43 pm </p><p>stern, self-righteous attitude? changkyun is hard. and jooheon keeps yelling at his monitor and interrupting his train of thought. now <em>that's</em> disrespectful. he rolls off jooheon's bed and tries to inconspicuously walk down the hall to the bathroom. he also tries to ignore the lee family photo jooheon's mom has awkwardly hung above the toilet as he sits down on it.</p><p>do i<br/>
4:48 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>yes. i have a boyfriend, like i told you. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:49 pm </p><p>changkyun groans. he pops the button on his jeans, sliding his zipper down and sighing when he can finally palm himself. </p><p>but even if i didn't, you need to have more respect for people. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:50 pm </p><p>is that how you talk to girls?<br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:50 pm </p><p>pretty much<br/>
4:51 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>longer replies are getting a bit difficult. </p><p>maybe that's why you the girl at the party rejected you. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:52 pm </p><p><em>ouch</em>. changkyun's dick twitches at how condescending that is. he sets his phone down on the corner of the sink for a second and moves to pull his pants and boxers down, spreading his legs as much as he can with them still hooked around his ankles. </p><p>he takes his dick in his hand, giving himself a few short strokes before he picks his phone back up with his other hand. </p><p>she didn't reject me<br/>
4:54 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>she did. but changkyun wants kihyun to remind him she did. </p><p>it sure looked like it to me. if you proposition women the same way you did me, it's no wonder you have a hard time getting what you want.<br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:56 pm </p><p>god, he isn't going to last long.  </p><p>i never get what i want<br/>
4:56 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>well i just said that's not surprising. <br/>
<b>miss    </b>4:57 pm </p><p>no<br/>
4:57 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>changkyun rubs his palm over the head of his dick, smearing his precum over himself on the next down stroke. it's hard to control his breathing. he's going to regret what he types next, but his dick seems to be in charge of where this conversation is going. </p><p>i've never gotten what i want<br/>
4:58 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>what i asked for<br/>
4:48 pm    <em>read</em></p><p>you've never gotten what you asked me for?<br/>
<b>miss    </b>5:00 pm </p><p>changkyun bites his lip and thinks about kihyun's stupid orange cheeks. he has to stifle a moan when he thinks about cumming on them. </p><p>never<br/>
5:01 pm   <em> read</em></p><p>from anyone<br/>
5:02 pm   <em> read</em></p><p>that makes me feel bad for you. <em><br/>
</em><b>miss    </b>5:05 pm </p><p><em>pity</em>. his phone makes a loud clank when it hits the tile of the bathroom floor. his eyes roll back in his head, entire body curling inward. he feels his own cum hit his chin. he's louder than he should be, but all self control seems to have disappeared and all he can do is hope jooheon still has his headphones on. </p><p>as he catches his breath, changkyun wonders if kihyun would think he was pathetic for jerking off in his best friend's bathroom. it makes him shiver. </p><p>he finds his phone with his clean hand. it's not cracked, by some dumb luck. </p><p>bad enough to suck my dick?<br/>
5:11 pm   <em> read</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 2019 Guy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a><br/> <br/>tw use of slur, reference to racist language and ideology, and reference to suicide. </p><p>this is set in 2019 i guess bc this song is too fun not to use. oh ho ho sorry for the late and short update, pls enjoy anyways.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“he has a boyfriend, changkyun.”</p><p>“and how many times do i have to say i don’t want to fucking date him, jooheon?”</p><p>jooheon sighs.</p><p>“okay, so you don’t want to date him. what do you want? a blowjob?” changkyun confirms with a nod, “he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to give you a blowjob because he has a boyfriend.”</p><p>“do you really think that’s the only reason? like, if he didn’t have a boyfriend do you think he’d blow me?”</p><p>jooheon knows what he’s being asked. he just wishes changkyun would actually ask it.</p><p>“how am i supposed to judge if you’re attractive enough to blow? wouldn’t that be gay?” he gives changkyun a <em>look</em>. changkyun ignores it.</p><p>“yeah, i guess it would be.” changkyun grunts and lays back on jooheon’s pillows. his jaw is tense. “why do you have to be a queer? it makes shit hard.”</p><p>“not as hard as kihyun makes you,” jooheon shoots back. “i don’t know, maybe you should trade me in for a straight best friend and see if he tolerates you rolling around on his bed with a chubby from some pretty boy reprimanding you. maybe he’ll even hide the towel you used when you jerked off in his bathroom from his mom like i had to.”</p><p>changkyun’s face flushes hot and feels his stomach sink. he covers his face with his hands. humiliation isn’t as fun when it comes from jooheon. it’s not fun at all right now, actually.</p><p>“i’m... sorry?” he tries, moving a finger so he can peek one eye at jooheon.</p><p>“whatever,” jooheon sighs. he comes over to the bed and sits by changkyun’s legs. “look, we’re best friends, and i know under this asshole persona you’ve adopted over the years you’re still fragile and shy like when we were kids.” changkyun opens his mouth to protest but jooheon cuts him off to continue, “i just don’t get it. you were such a sweet kid. i can’t figure out when things changed for you.”</p><p>“nothing’s changed for me,” changkyun defends, “i’m just not gay, so you don’t get it.”</p><p>“the fact that this conversation started because you were whining about kihyun not wanting to blow you aside, let’s say you’re not gay. you like girls. so why don’t you get with any girls? what don’t i get?”</p><p>“it’s not that easy!” changkyun sits up now. he can feel the anger bubbling in his stomach. “i tried! females are just dumb. chaerin friendzoned me after i dyed my hair to match hers, seo told my mom i buy weed from her when i tried to make a move, and sooj only dated me for a week before she cheated on me with hoseok.”</p><p>“seo is a lesbian! and hoseok didn’t know!” jooheon is quick to remind him.</p><p>“i know! i know! it still fucking sucks having your girlfriend fuck your friend.”</p><p>“okay, so you had a couple girls reject you. how do you get from there to a total incel who’s cucking for a guy with a boyfriend while maintaining that he’s straight?”</p><p>changkyun frowns. “i’m totally cucking myself, aren’t i?”</p><p>“yeah. and it like, makes your dick hard.”</p><p>“do incels get hard when they’re being cucked?”</p><p>“i don’t know, man,” jooheon shrugs. “i’m a fag, not an incel.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>if changkyun had to label what kind of incel he is, he would probably fall under nearcels.</p><p>he saw seo’s girlfriend’s nudes on her phone by accident (as in, him looking over her shoulder while she counted his money) that one time and sooj gave him a mediocre hand job before she slept with hoseok. hoseok. yeah, hoseok is <em>definitely</em> a chad.</p><p>he’s scrolled through a dozen subreddits, even found an archive of the banned sub to read through. he’s ventured on to 4chan and looked into the looksmaxing sites. he's learned about it all; chad, tyrone, stacy, becky, redpill, blackpill, fuel, rope, sui. he tries to stay away from the darker stuff, but sometimes it's hard to avoid it. </p><p>but one thing he hasn’t read too much about: cucking. it comes up, but when it does the forums tend to devolve into members accusing each other of just being pathetic cuckolding volcels rather than true incels before much can be said about it. </p><p>so, when jooheon sends him home to take a shower and sleep in his own bed for once this week, he does what he did when he wanted to know more about incels. he googles.</p><p>
  <span class="u">about 25,100,000 results (0.33 seconds)</span>
</p><p>changkyun clicks on the first result.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>what exactly is cuckolding? in basic terms, cuckolding is a fetish or kink in which a person gets turned on by their partner having sex with someone else.</p>
</blockquote><p>okay, that may be too basic. changkyun clicks back out of the healthline article and scrolls farther down in the results.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>8 men explain what they love about cuckolding | metro news</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>ah, that might be better. </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>like an updated version of a threesome – it includes three people, but with a twist. there’s a husband, a wife and the man who has sex with her in front of the husband. some of the husbands even want to be tied up, ordered around and humiliated as they watch.</p>
</blockquote><p>changkyun's eyes light up at the word humilitation. he keeps reading. </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>jerobi, 28, via whiplr</p>
  <p>the main reason i like cuckolding is because it’s completely backwards and doesn’t make any sense. i like the rejection and the humiliation.</p>
  <p>i’m normally dominant but i can also be submissive. i perform tasks, but nothing beyond oral sex on either him or her. i’m 99% straight, but in the heat of the moment i can give a guy a blow job.</p>
</blockquote><p>interesting. changkyun's not sure he could quite claim 99%. his stomach feels a little sour by the time he finishes the article. he looks down at his lap and breathes in through his nose. </p><p>he closes his eyes and thinks of kihyun. he thinks about kihyun's boyfriend, about what he probably looks like.</p><p>he's probably taller. changkyun is the same height as kihyun. he's probably muscular. changkyun balls his hands into fists and flexes his arms. he's probably handsome. changkyun twitches his nose. he imagines kihyun's boyfriend looks like hoseok. </p><p>the contrast of his mental image of hoseok and what he remembers kihyun looking like at the party makes a shiver run down his spine. kihyun is so pretty. </p><p><em>i hope he fucks him good</em>, his brain supplies. his eyes snap open and there's a wet spot on the front of the fresh boxers he put on after his shower in his line of sight. he breathes out through his nose. </p><p>he's evolved. he's a 2019 guy. he can accept being a cuck.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>jerobi's a real dude and he can hmu anytime. </p><p>article creds:<br/><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/cuckolding">healthline</a><br/><a href="https://metro.co.uk/2018/03/07/i-like-the-rejection-and-the-humiliation-8-men-explain-what-they-love-about-cuckolding-7335593/">metro news</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. I Want A Bitch Like Dillion Harper</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a>
</p>
<p>i promise there is real changki soon, i know not everyone enjoys solo changkyun content as much as i do lmao. i hope u enjoy anyways!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>changkyun groans at the sound of his phone vibrating against his nightstand. he rolls over towards it, leaning up on his elbows and cracking one eye. it's a text. </p>
<p>he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and extends one arm to grab his phone, cringing when his elbow pops. </p>
<p>it's not even nine fucking o'clock yet. he's going to kill jooheon for texting him so early, they had a late night playing video games and. oh. </p>
<p>oh.</p>
<p>changkyun, are you awake?<br/><b>miss    </b>8:52 am</p>
<p>changkyun blinks. is he awake? or is he dreaming? </p>
<p>i am now<br/>8:56 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p>oh. good morning.<br/><b>miss    </b>8:52 am</p>
<p>good morning<br/>8:58<em> read</em></p>
<p>i wanted to talk to you, if you have a minute. <br/><b>miss    </b>9:01 am</p>
<p>well you woke me up so yeah i'm free<br/>9:02 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p>right. <br/><b>miss    </b>9:03 am</p>
<p>i think we need some space. <br/><b>miss    </b>9:04 am</p>
<p>changkyun is confused. why is kihyun breaking up with him?</p>
<p>we're not dating <br/>9:06<em> read</em></p>
<p>yes, changkyun, i am aware. friends can need space too.  <br/><b>miss    </b>9:07 am</p>
<p>changkyun has pretty low standards for friendship. hoseok fucked his girlfriend and they still talk, but even he wouldn't qualify someone who only texts you to ask for blowjobs as a friend. </p>
<p>we're friends? <br/>9:09 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p>look, you're missing the point. as you know, i have a boyfriend. i have to be mindful of his feelings, and i just don't feel like the conversations we have had are appropriate. so i wanted to reach out and ask for some space. that's all. <br/><b>miss   </b> 9:10 am</p>
<p>blinking at his screen, changkyun tries to understand what's happening. is kihyun making fun of him? how many times is he going to remind him he has a boyfriend? does he know changkyun likes it? is he just saying this so changkyun won't keep texting him? why doesn't he just block his number? </p>
<p>changkyun's not even sure he wants to be friends with kihyun. he's pretty sure he wants more from him from a blowjob, based on the recent cuck self-diagnosis, but he hasn't really thought about it past that. now, though, his face is red and he has a sinking feeling in his stomach that tugs a lot like guilt does. he fucked up. whatever it is, the thing he wants with, or from, kihyun, he fucked it up. </p>
<p>can't we just be friends <br/>9:13 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p>i mean. if i stop<br/>9:15 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p>i can stop being inappropriate or whatever<br/>9:16 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p>it's getting pathetic, changkyun knows. but the prickling flush on his face is spreading down his neck, to his chest and he's pretty sure he's going to have a panic attack if kihyun doesn't reply soon. </p>
<p>i can do whatever you want<br/>9:18 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>whatever i want?<br/><b>miss    </b>9:20 am</p>
<p>changkyun hates that a little bit of arousal mixes with his panic. he squirms in his sheets, pressing his shoulder blades back until he feels a slight release of pressure. this is a lot to process before he's even gotten out of bed. </p>
<p>yeah<br/>9:21 am   <em> read</em></p>
<p>i want you to give me so space then, changkyun. <br/><b>miss    </b>9:21 am</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>so, yeah. maybe changkyun spends the entire weekend feeling bad for himself, jerking off and ignore jooheon's texts. but so what? some people call it a pity party, he calls it self care. </p>
<p>maybe he's scrolled through a hundred pages of porn thumbnails with titles like <em>bulls breeding my wife compilation</em> and f<em>orced to watch my wife fuck my boss</em>. they gross him out, but he gets it. thin alternative guy simping for pretty cottagecore boy gets cucked by muscly chad is probably a bit too niche.</p>
<p>he tries something that might get him closer: pretty boys who look like pretty girls. he has a lot more luck there. he finds some offensive terms that make his dick hard, and subscribes to an onlyfans. five dollars for dick prints in a schoolgirl skirt is a bargain. </p>
<p>the onlyfans rabbit hole lands him on riley reid. it takes him a couple videos to realize her smile reminds him of kihyun's and that's why he likes her so much. he tries to find someone similar, sans the kihyun reminder, and that someone ends up being sasha gray. she's not innocent or soft or frilly, and that distracts him for a while.</p>
<p>how he got to owen gray next, he's not sure. if pushed, he'd blame it on the last names. but by that time he's thinking about kihyun again. he realizes things are bad when he's thinking about kihyun being owen and him being the pretty blonde getting bent over. not only is he a simp for a pretty cottagecore boy, he wants a pretty cottagecore boy to top him. </p>
<p>that ends his depressing pornscapades. he opens a new tab and types in amazon.com, opens prime video and starts venom for the third time since friday. </p>
<p>so yeah, changkyun is a cuck, and probably not an incel. and maybe gay, or like, half gay. and he's definitely going to get his ass kicked when he finally texts jooheon back. </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>"i thought i had it with sasha gray! i was feeling straight as fuck. and then i found the other gray," changkyun sighs. </p>
<p>jooheon's head shoots up. "owen?" </p>
<p>"owen," changkyun affirms with a grim smile on his lips. </p>
<p>"i get it. he may be doing it to girls, but it still makes your stomach hurt, huh?" </p>
<p>changkyun groans and throws himself back against the pillows. he stares at the ceiling. jooheon had spared him the ass kicking when he finally texted him back this morning, and they've spent most of their sunday playing video games and helping jooheon's mom around the house. changkyun has pointedly avoided the laundry room. he's dealing with enough shame already. </p>
<p>"hypothetically," changkyun begins, breaking the silence and his own thoughts. he pauses and looks over at jooheon. </p>
<p>jooheon nods, "hypothetically..." </p>
<p>"hypothetically," changkyun begins again, "if i am... gay. if i'm hypothetically gay, and hypothetically very gay for kihyun, but kihyun very literally has told me to never speak to him again, where does that leave me?" </p>
<p>"in my bed?" jooheon tries. he rolls his eyes at the scowl he gets in return. "okay, it hypothetically leaves you with a decision to make, and literally makes you a dumbass."</p>
<p>"what decision am i left to make?" changkyun asks. he cocks his head to the side like a lost puppy. jooheon would feel bad for his best friend if he wasn't such an asshole.</p>
<p>"well," jooheon shoves him over on the bed to make room for himself to lay down with him, "technically all kihyun said was he needed some time before he felt like you guys could be friend. which is more than generous considering all you've texted him for a week is blowjob proposals. but, it leaves the possibility open for you two to be friends. friends isn't so far from more than friends, right?"</p>
<p>"so what? i'm supposed to wait for him to want to be friends with me, and then try to get him to date me?" changkyun looks at jooheon incredulously. "we're not even friends now. why did he feel the need to ask for space? we've texted like twice." </p>
<p>jooheon shrugs, "i mean, it does seem weird. maybe because i know minhyuk, he wants to be civil so it doesn't make things awkward? but you already made them awkward by being yourself." </p>
<p>"or does he think i'm going to, like, stalk and kill him if he ghosts me?" </p>
<p>"consider this one," jooheon starts. he waits for changkyun to lean up on his elbow so they can make eye contact. "maybe he's just nice and we're suspicious because we're not?"</p>
<p>"you're nice," changkyun defends even though jooheon is the one insulting himself. </p>
<p>"being nicer than you doesn't make me nice," jooheon laughs. "i can be pretty cold. you just only see me around yourself and like, my parents. and minhyuk. i'm nice to minhyuk because i want to sleep with him, which is also why he's nice to me. it seems like kihyun might be the only genuinely nice one between us all." </p>
<p>"is this supposed to help me? because it's just making me like him more." </p>
<p>"is that a problem?" </p>
<p>changkyun makes a face. "yes! he has a boyfriend! and again, never wants to speak to me again!" </p>
<p>"you like that he has a boyfriend," jooheon reminds him, rolling his eyes. "and again, he never said that. why don't you just text him? we just established he's the nicest person we kind of know, so what's the worst that can happen?</p>
<p>changkyun gnaws his bottom lip while he thinks about that. "the worst that could happen is he tells me i'm disgusting and he really does never want to speak to me again."</p>
<p>"then i'll get you a fresh towel to jerk off to his rejection with in my bathroom, and hold you when you cry after." </p>
<p>"you're the best friend ever, you know?" changkyun actually looks a little teary eyed. </p>
<p>jooheon pats his shoulder and nods. "you just have to shower in between." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. MoodSwings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a>
</p><p> </p><p>WEEWOOOO big update bc what is pacing!!? also unedited i will do that later. pls enjoy. comments n kudos always appreciated!!</p><p>tw mentions of domestic violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>changkyun, are you awake?<br/><b>miss    </b>7:08 am</p><p>changkyun blinks. his phone is too bright, it's too early, and is he dreaming? is this deja vu? is his phone pushing an old notification to taunt him for not working up the courage to text kihyun since his talk with jooheon? he scrolls up their messages and nope, this is a brand new message. </p><p>did you mean to text me?<br/>7:12 am   <em> read</em></p><p>yes. <br/><b>miss    </b>7:14 am</p><p>can you send me your address? <br/><b>miss    </b>7:15 am</p><p>what<br/>7:15<em> read</em></p><p>your address. <br/><b>miss    </b>7:16 am</p><p>no i know my address, i mean. why?? why do you want my address dude<br/>7:16 am   <em> read</em></p><p>right. <br/><b>miss    </b>7:17 am</p><p>it's for my uber.<br/><b>miss    </b>7:18 am</p><p>uber? as in, kihyun is coming to his house? changkyun's not sure what act of god, or jooheon, has occurred, but he feels a flash of excitement before surveying his disgusting bedroom and panic sets in. have his parents left for work yet?   </p><p>i don't know why i'm doing this<br/>7:19 am   <em> read</em></p><p>[address]<em><br/></em>7:19 am<em> read</em></p><p>i'm 12 minutes away.  <br/><b>miss    </b>7:21 am</p><p>changkyun's parents have indeed left for work. his closet door barely closes by the time he shoves all his dirty clothes in it. he's just finishing up the cup walk of shame when his doorbell rings. he panics and hides the stack of cups under the sink in case kihyun comes in the kitchen. </p><p>he realizes his sweats have a cum stain on the crotch as he's opening the door. </p><p>kihyun's t-shirt collar is soaked in tears, and probably snot. his nose is red, but he doesn't have any makeup on. </p><p>"uh," changkyun starts. his chest is so tight and he's not sure if it's from nerves anymore. "do you want to come in?" </p><p>kihyun nods. his hair looks unbrushed and it's faded to be a bit more peachy since the party. changkyun resists the urge to reach out and touch it as kihyun passes by him. </p><p>the silence is awkward. kihyun is standing in the small entryway of changkyun's cluttered house, too-big jacket hanging off his frame. the florescent lighting makes it clear his entire face is red, eyes swollen from crying. he won't stop staring directly at changkyun's face, and changkyun can't meet his eyes.</p><p>he looks so different. he's so much more boyish than at the party. changkyun doesn't really have a preference, it just throws him off. the kihyun he met at the party was all confidence, self-assured and direct. he'd initiating both times they'd talked that night and shut down every move changkyun's made since but now, it seems like he's waiting for changkyun to do something. changkyun doesn't know what to do. </p><p>a loud sniffle breaks the tension and changkyun's eyes snap up to kihyun's face. they catch on a shadow on kihyun's throat for a second, and then meet his eyes. </p><p>"why are you wearing a jacket in the middle of summer?"</p><p>kihyun laughs. he laughs with his full body, shoulders bouncing. </p><p>"can we go to your bedroom?" he asks, wiping his nose on the back of the jacket sleeve covering his hand. </p><p>changkyun nods and walks kihyun through the messy living room to his bedroom. he looks at the loveseat his mom has left their clean laundry for the week on and feels a wave of embarrassment. no one comes to his house, not even jooheon. he wonders if both of kihyun's parents work. </p><p>"is anyone home?" kihyun asks when changkyun closes the door behind them. </p><p>"no. my parents are at work," he says, pointedly staying close to the doorway. he watches kihyun sit on the edge of his bed and tries to remember when the last time he changed his sheets was. </p><p>"you're an only child?" </p><p>"my sister's at college. she's in some summer program so she doesn't have to come home." </p><p>"sister?" kihyun makes eye contact again and tilts his head. changkyun thinks he looks like a puppy. the jacket is falling off both shoulders now, pooling around kihyun on the bed. </p><p>"did you uber here to get my family tree?" changkyun cringes before the words are out of his mouth. there's a pretty boy he's been begging to blow him for weeks sitting on his bed, and he can't stop being an asshole. what the fuck is wrong with him?</p><p>"fair," kihyun concedes, letting out a humorless laugh. "this seemed like the best place to come." </p><p>"i'm trying not to be an asshole," changkyun disclaims, walking to the head of his bed and sitting down there. kihyun turns to face him. "but why would the house of a guy you met at a party, won't stop asking you for a blowjob, and you recently asked for space from be the best place to come, like, ever?" </p><p>kihyun laughs again and this time, it seems a bit less forced.</p><p>"fair points," there's a pause and his face falls a little. "but i just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with my best friend, so i haven't really been thinking straight." </p><p>changkyun's mouth falls open and his eyes go wide. that's so <em>not</em> what he expected to hear. </p><p>"minhyuk?" changkyun assumes, trying to school his face. </p><p>"how'd you guess?" kihyun laughs again, loud and sad. </p><p>"he's the only friend of yours i know." </p><p>"yeah," kihyun nods. he raises his hands to scrub at his face, scooting back on the bed as his jacket falls the rest of the way off. from this angle changkyun can see that the shadow on his throat is still there, not a trick of the light from the entryway. he wants to ask about it but he knows he needs to wait. "he's my only friend, basically." </p><p>"do you, uh," changkyun sits up straighter. he assumes it's okay to ask, that kihyun came to him because he needed to share this with someone, "want to tell me what happened? you don't have to, of course. i just figured since you came here..." </p><p>"yeah, changkyun. relax," kihyun takes a deep breath and changkyun feels stupid, being the one getting reassured right now. he nods for him to continue. "i asked you to give me space because shownu, oh, uh, shownu is my boyfriend's name, and he read my texts. he read my texts with you, so he read the texts you'd sent me, and he got upset. he started talking about how disrespectful it was to let a guy talk to me like that, you know, like i had told you it was before. i pointed that out to him but he was still hurt, and i felt bad. shownu's really sweet, or was. we've been dating for about two years, and he's been working for his dad's business here in town since he graduated last year. he took the gap year so we could start college at the same time this fall. he has his own place, and lets me go out with... well, he lets me go out with minhyuk and usually really trusts me. my parents lo..." he drifts off, staring at the wall behind changkyun's head. </p><p>changkyun turns to look at the wall too, but there's nothing there. he turns back to kihyun. "love him?" </p><p>kihyun nods. "yeah. yeah, they love him and i just realized i'm sitting on your bed after showing up announced, listing all the reasons my boyfriend is great. boyfriend? ex boyfriend. i'm sorry." </p><p>kihyun makes like he's going to get up and leave, but changkyun grabs his wrist. kihyun jumps and so does changkyun, a little shocked by the contact himself. </p><p>assuming this is not the time to admit to kihyun just how much he doesn't mind hearing about his boyfriend, he opts for a simple, "it's okay. just... just continue."</p><p>nodding again, kihyun relaxes back onto the bed. he sits crisscross applesauce and changkyun ignores how cute he thinks it is. </p><p>"okay, so, me and shownu watch a lot of movies. it's kind of our thing, you know?" changkyun nods for him to continue again, "and last night i invited minhyuk over to watch movies with us. we haven't see in each other since like, the day after i met you. i missed him. so anyways, he came over to shownu's and we watched a couple disney movies because they're his favorite. shownu has a sectional, and usually when we have movie nights, we all fall asleep on the couch together. shownu asked me to go to bed with him though, and well... i guess i'm telling you everything, so here goes. shownu and me haven't been sleeping together much this summer, like, you know, i stay at his apartment most nights, but we don't..." </p><p>he trails off. changkyun squeezes his legs together and swallows. this is so <em>not </em>the time to get a boner, even he can assess that. </p><p>"you don't have sex?"</p><p>kihyun shakes his head, his whole face is flushed. "we've been dating for a while, so i just assumed the honeymoon period was over... so when he asked me to, i thought it was weird timing with minhyuk there, but i guess i was a little... eager. i made minhyuk comfortable on the couch, and then went in the bedroom. we uh, well, we didn't have sex." kihyun looks even more embarrassed, and changkyun can't imagine what comes next, "i just gave him a blowjob and he went to sleep." </p><p>the look of shame on kihyun's face cancels out any arousal that that statement normally would have stirred up in changkyun. he wants to keep listening, wants to let kihyun get everything off his chest, but his own chest <em>hurts</em>.</p><p>he looks down at kihyun's hands, where they're fidgeting in his lap. he's not sure what kind of bravery comes over him when he reaches out and takes one in his.</p><p>kihyun jumps at first, his downcast eyes going big and round when he looks up at changkyun. they're sparkling, tears starting to collect in them again, and changkyun thinks they're so pretty. </p><p>changkyun is rewarded for his courage with a tiny smile. </p><p>"he fell asleep right after. at least, i think he was actually asleep. i woke up around six to pee, and he wasn't in bed. i assumed he'd gotten up to pee too and when the bathroom was empty i went looking for him. i think you can use your imagination on where, and in what position, i found him," one of those sparkly tears runs down kihyun's cheek. "i guess i should say found <em>them</em>."</p><p>it's quiet for a few seconds, kihyun sniffling and changkyun trying to process the story he was just told. </p><p>"what happened to your neck?" he asks, and fuck. his brain and mouth need to learn to communicate before letting him open the latter. he freezes and watches kihyun roll his shoulders, tucking his chin down towards his chest to obstruct changkyun's view of the shadow he can now pretty safely assume is a bruise like he suspected. </p><p>"we all argued, and minhyuk tried to make it all my fault. he told me i was too much of a prude, that i don't know what i'm doing well enough for shownu so he had to step in... i asked if that meant they'd been sneaking around since me and minhyuk graduated, when things between me and shownu dried up, and they admitted they had. i kind of freaked out and lunged at minhyuk... shownu, uh, defended him." </p><p>changkyun's blood boils. sure, he's disrespectful and a pervert and maybe even an incel, but he can't fathom laying a hand on a romantic partner. no one deserves that, but right now all his brain is telling him is that <em>kihyun</em> doesn't deserve that. kihyun, who looks so small and defeated and vulnerable, sitting in a pool of his dumb jacket on changkyun's bed, still holding changkyun's hand. </p><p>this whole day feels like one big mood swing, and changkyun's still not sure why kihyun ran to him of all people, but he knows he wants to accept the responsibility, whatever it entails. he'll figure out what that means exactly and how gay it makes him later. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>changkyun, the gentleman he now apparently is, sits on the floor and plays on his phone while kihyun naps on his bed. he tries not to stare, but he can't help but think how <em>cute</em> it is that kihyun sleeps on his side, his knees curled up to his chest. he holds back the urge to coo when kihyun wakes up by rubbing his face on changkyun's pillow and breathing in. changkyun's sure the scent is less than romantic, probably containing more than a hint of ramen broth and mountain dew spills, but it still makes him swoon. he's a level ten simp by the time kihyun sits up with a sleepy smile and gives him a heart wrenching, "hi." </p><p>"hi," he returns, a small smile on his lips as well. it's contagious, sue him. </p><p>"do you have anything to drink?" he rubs his tongue against the roof of his mouth while he talks and changkyun tries not to watch the movement too closely. </p><p>"mountain dew?" changkyun tries to think of anything else they keep in the house, "or tap water..." </p><p>kihyun bites his lip. "could we go to the store?" </p><p>changkyun nods. he stands up and stretches his back, trying to distract himself from looking at kihyun at all because he's still a perv at the end of the day, and kihyun has to stop doing things with his mouth before he combusts. </p><p>"yeah," changkyun looks around for a clean pair of socks so he can avoid opening his closet door with kihyun still in the room, "there's one around the corner we can walk to."</p><p>kihyun puts his shoes back on while changkyun finds those socks and a beanie. changkyun just realized kihyun didn't leave his shoes at the door, which means he put the soles of them on changkyun's bed earlier. he grimaces. he's a slob, but not an animal. he'll wash his sheets tonight. </p><p>"can i ask you something before we go?" kihyun suddenly asks, interrupting the sounds of them shuffling around the room.</p><p>"sure." </p><p>"why'd you keep asking me for a blowjob?" </p><p>oh, that's not what changkyun expected. he feels his ears get hot. he thinks about giving a dismissive answer, but a part of him feels like he owes kihyun some honesty for trusting him enough to open up earlier. </p><p>"i guess i wanted to keep talking to you, and i didn't know what else to say." </p><p>kihyun raises an eyebrow, but his expression stays the neutral. "you wanted my attention?" </p><p>it's such an embarrassing question that changkyun would be hard if all the blood in his body wasn't busy rushing to his face. </p><p>"yeah," he gulps. "i guess i did." </p><p>kihyun laughs. kihyun laughs, and changkyun feels like he's going to sink into the floor. </p><p>"what's so funny?" he asks, puffing his chest out. fuck honesty. </p><p>"it's just," kihyun laughs again, a <em>giggle</em> this time, "funny." </p><p>changkyun is seething, he doesn't know if the anger is clear on his face because he feels frozen in place from it. he wants to lash out, wants to say something mean, but he's so confused. he's on the border of <em>hurt</em> when kihyun slips his jacket back on and walks past him to the bedroom door. </p><p>"you had my attention since that night at the party," he says more to himself than changkyun, opening the door and holding his hand out for the younger boy to take.  </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>changkyun holds the door open and lets kihyun go into the corner store before him. he takes the opportunity to wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans. he looks at the back of kihyun's head, already headed down the snack isle, takes a deep breath and catches up. </p><p>"can i get candy?" kihyun asks, catching changkyun's hand in his when they come to a stop near the back of the store. changkyun blinks and looks up the security mirror above the beer walk-in. a squeeze of his hand makes him look at kihyun again. </p><p>"i'm not your dad," changkyun deadpans. "you can get whatever you want."</p><p>kihyun smiles. his bare face makes it easier to see the little flush that comes high on his cheeks. he looks up at the security mirror too, then back at changkyun. </p><p>"will you get me whatever i want?" kihyun leans in close to ask. changkyun can see his very pink tongue peaking out between sharp teeth when he smiles again, right in his face. </p><p>changkyun has no money but he's pretty confident kihyun knows that, so he nods dumbly and accepts the jacket when kihyun twirls out of it and offers it, still smiling. changkyun watches as kihyun walks backwards, away from him, before turning and skipping over to the soda fountains. he watches kihyun pull out one of the xl styrofoam cups before turning his attention back to the racks of snacks in front of him. </p><p>he looks up at the security mirror for the second time, and then chances a glance over his shoulder at the register. it's just some girl, probably early twenties. she has her back turned, stocking cigarettes and wraps. she's probably cool. maybe cool enough not to bust some queer kids shoplifting candy if she catches onto them.</p><p>the zipper of the jacket hits his belt buckle as he slips it on, and he closes one eye. he counts to ten in his head and then reaches a hand out towards the colorful bags of gummies and chips. kihyun didn't make a specific request, so he takes a stab in the dark. </p><p>"ready?" changkyun jumps, and looks over to find an innocent looking kihyun taking big sips from his cup. </p><p>"yeah," he nods, letting kihyun loop their arms back together as they make their way to the register. right, kihyun's drink. they're actually going to pay for that. </p><p>kihyun sets the cup up on the counter, the jostling of ice and soda getting the clerk's attention. she puts up one more pack of wraps before turning around. </p><p>changkyun gulps. she looks different without blue hair, but her bangs are still there. </p><p>"that all?" she asks, monotone. changkyun chances a glance at kihyun and his stomach does a somersault at the knowing, amused smile he finds. </p><p>"yep!" kihyun chirps back. the bag in the jacket's pocket makes a crinkling sound as kihyun moves against changkyun's side, fishing three quarters and a dime out of his back pocket. he hands them straight to her instead of setting them on the counter and changkyun watches their fingers touch. </p><p>she takes the coins, closes the cash drawer and rips the receipt, crumbling it and throwing it into the trash without asking if they want it. she turns around, sits down on a dusty little stool with her back to them and picks a box cutter up from the floor. she either doesn't recognize them, or doesn't give a fuck. </p><p>kihyun picks his drink back up and takes another big sip, turning changkyun towards the door.</p><p>"the purple suits her," kihyun giggles before the door even swings closed. changkyun starts to laugh too, letting out the breath he'd been holding. </p><p>kihyun's sharp little teeth are still on display in a pretty smile when he takes the sour patch kids from changkyun's pocket when they're out of sight from the store, ripping the corner of the bag open. he shakes it to mix them around and changkyun watches as the first gummy is retrieved, and then pressed against his own lips. he opens, probably wider than necessary. kihyun sets it on his tongue and changkyun snaps his lips shut, making sure it doesn't fall out of his mouth from the bounce of their steps, and chews. sour.</p><p>changkyun continues to watch as kihyun pops the gummies in his mouth one by one, lips puckering in a way that makes changkyun's heart do funny things. </p><p>it's weird, seeing kihyun up close and personal. even at the party, when kihyun had fallen on him, it'd been too dark to really see him. changkyun wonders if this is the real kihyun he's seeing, if this is just such a departure from the caricature his brain made up since that night that he's barely able to process it. he wonders if he'll sit on the floor again when they get back to his room or if they'll lay on the mattress together, if kihyun will go home and never text him back again, if this day really is a dream, something his lonely mind thought up while he fell asleep thinking about kihyun. </p><p>he wonders if the sweat prickling at the back of his neck is from wearing a jacket on a summer day or having kihyun this close to him. they turn onto his street and he looks at the near empty bag, crinkled in kihyun's grip. <em>sour then sweet.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Cut My Lip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a>
</p><p> </p><p>HELLLLLLO again. the bitch is back. i started a changki twit au while i was gone and i'll link it below if any of u would like to read hehu. returning to this fic, the next chap will be extra Fun, hehe check the playlist for why~</p><p>maybe a tw for violence, body horror/injury?? idk man all mild imo As Always but u have been warned. hope u all enjoy!!!!!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"what the hell were you thinking?" kihyun's voice comes out scratchy, and some part of changkyun's fuzzy mind registers that it's because he's been crying. a satisfied little smile sneaks onto his face and the corners of it turn up when he hears kihyun's responding grunt of disapproval. </p><p>he leans into the hand kihyun has on his cheek, and the taste of pennies in his mouth suddenly gets way more intense. he lets his jaw go slack and opens his good eye long enough to see a glob of clotted blood hit the brim of the toilet seat between his legs. it's so <em>red</em>, and then, it's all black. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"why would you let him do something so stupid?" kihyun stresses, rubbing his hands against his thighs. it's a nervous habit and he's sure the tops of his thighs will be bruised from how much he's done it in the last hour. </p><p>"i didn't know where he was going!" jooheon defends himself, folding his shoulders in on himself as kihyun continues to glare. for such a small boy, kihyun has a big presence when he's pissed, and he's<em> so</em> pissed. he's been admonishing jooheon since they got to the hospital. </p><p>"you couldn't tell something bad was going to happen when he called you? he said he called you on his way over! you guys have been best friends forever, so you should have known he wasn't thinking clearly!" kihyun yells back, about three levels too loud for a waiting room. </p><p>"you didn't know he'd do something stupid when you told him your boyfriend was drunk and not letting you leave your apartment?" jooheon fires back. </p><p>kihyun's eyes go wide, and jooheon knows he's fucked up. "ex boyfriend, you little shit! and no, of course not! we barely know each other, and he can barely look me in the eyes, why would i think he would uber to my house and try to beat my drunk ex boyfriend's ass for no reason?" </p><p>"it wasn't for no reason!" he defends, because for a guy who just got his honor defended, kihyun's being pretty ungrateful. jooheon wonders what the statistics on childhood best friends not only both liking men but having terrible taste in them is. "he was defending you! he needs to save princess peach here from a man twice his size? it's like you made one of his wet dreams come to life. of course he came to your rescue." </p><p>"wet dreams?" kihyun questions immediately. he'll save addressing the princess peach nickname for later. </p><p>jooheon changes the subject, because bro code, "how bad was the other guy?" </p><p>"hyunwoo went to minhyuk's apartment to sleep it off," kihyun grumbles, ill at the reminder that the <em>other guy</em> is probably getting his dick sucked while changkyun gets an earlobe stitched up. who has fucking transverse lobe piercings in the first place? </p><p>"ouch," is all jooheon replies with. he slumps down in the uncomfortable hospital waiting room chair and tries to decide if this incident will destroy or feed changkyun's self esteem. monumental embarrassment or wet dream? jooheon's not sure where the line between those two is for changkyun anymore. </p><p>they sit in relative silence for the next hour. kihyun takes some deep breaths when jooheon buys sour cream and onion chips from the vending machine in the corner and proceeds to get powder and crumbs everywhere. </p><p>"family of changkyun im?" </p><p>both their heads pop up, and kihyun pushes his palms into the top of his thighs one more time before standing up. jooheon's chip bag falls to the ground when he stands. </p><p>"uh," jooheon starts, "friends. i called my mom and she's trying to get in touch with his mom." </p><p>the doctor nods, eyebrows pushed together in possible confusion, probable judgement. "well, it's family only in the rooms, but he's an adult, so we can release him to you. he has some minor stitches on his left earlobe, which will be bandaged before discharge. the rest of his injuries seem to be superficial; black eye, busted lip, and one bruised clavicle." </p><p>"is his nose okay?" jooheon suddenly interrupts. kihyun and the doctor look at him with now matching judgmental glares. </p><p>"sorry, his nose?" the doctor clarifies. </p><p>"i mean... it's a good nose..." </p><p>"anyways," kihyun gives a look of disapproval to shut jooheon up, "is there anything we need to know for when he gets released to us?" </p><p>"right," the doctor starts again, "a nurse will come out with him to explain changing the bandages on his ear. we're also sending him home with a low dose pain reliever that he'll need to take one ever 10 hours for the next three days, full stomach." </p><p>kihyun nods. his chest feels tight, an aching little ball of guilt and concern and maybe a little bit of pride. changkyun may have gotten his ass beat, but he put up a good fight for their size difference. kihyun's not princess peach, and he didn't need saving, but it feels good to know changkyun likes him enough to defend his honor. it makes him want to kiss him, busted lip and all. </p><p>he shakes his head to clear his mind of inappropriate thoughts when the doctor speaks again, "i suppose you boys wouldn't happen to know who roughed him up this bad? he's still refusing to give us a name." </p><p>kihyun's mouth opens into a little "o". he hadn't really thought about that part. why wouldn't changkyun tell them? did he think kihyun would be mad if he did? why protect hyunwoo after what he did to both of them?  </p><p>"whatever changkyun tells you is all we know," jooheon answers confidently, interrupting kihyun's train of thought. jooheon only offers a dismissive wave of the hand when kihyun looks at him, bewildered. </p><p>"right," the doctor sighs. "that's what i assumed. well, he shouldn't be much longer. a nurse will bring him out to you shortly." </p><p>they both nod politely as the doctor turns to take his leave. </p><p>jooheon's got a serious look on his face when they've sat back down. he sighs and starts, "look, i've known changkyun a lot longer than you have. his ego will recover from this whole thing, but he's not going to want to get cops involved. i know you probably don't want your ex to get away with this, but you're going to have to find some other way to get even with him. it can't be at the cost of what's left of changkyun's pride." </p><p>this is the first time kihyun's really thought about hyunwoo past the blind anger he's felt since he brought changkyun to the hospital. he's not worried about hyunwoo doing anything to him, or changkyun again for that matter. he'll sober up, and minhyuk will rip him a new asshole. minhyuk's a dick, but he hates violence. hell, hyunwoo hates violence when he's not freshly exposed as a cheater and drunk out of his mind. </p><p>"yeah, okay," kihyun nods. </p><p>"can i ask you one thing?" jooheon asks. he still looks serious and kihyun takes a deep breath.</p><p>is this where he gets the 'what are your intentions' talk? maybe 'you hurt my best friend and i kill you'? the gender norms have really turned around on him, if so. he nods again.</p><p>"how'd he know your address?" </p><p>kihyun lets out the breath he was holding, but his face is flushed as he opens his mouth, "i used his uber app to go home last night."</p><p>jooheon smirks. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>it's five hours before they leave the hospital. jooheon's mom comes at hour three and changkyun's mom is there a half hour later. his dad's at work and his mom only stays a couple minutes because she's on her lunch break. kihyun spends the entire twenty minutes she's there hiding in the bathroom and makes a mental note to remind himself to ask changkyun about how much his parents work later. </p><p>jooheon extracts kihyun from his hiding place in stall three when she leaves. he tells kihyun that she agreed it'd be best if changkyun stayed at jooheon's until he's healed, as there won't be anyone around enough to take care of him at home. that makes kihyun's heart hurt, and jooheon must read the pained look on his face wrong, because he assures kihyun he's more than welcome to stay with changkyun in the guest room. kihyun smiles anyways and thanks jooheon, and his mom. </p><p>it takes some maneuvering, later that night, in the guest bedroom, to get changkyun comfortable. his ear and black eye are on the same side, so that helps, but his clavicle it on the opposite and it hurts to lay on his shoulder. </p><p>at least that's what he says. kihyun has his suspicions when the position they end up in is changkyun draped over his side, head on his chest. </p><p>"do you remember the night as the party?" changkyun's wonders aloud, voice even thicker than usual from the pain medicine. </p><p>"how could i forget? it was so romantic," kihyun mocks a wistful tone, petting changkyun's hair. it's much softer than he anticipated. changkyun cringes at the sarcasm, and then cringes again when the first one hurts his swollen eye. </p><p>"you asked me if i was trying to fight you," changkyun reminds him. "that's why i ran away. i can't fight, so i just panicked and ran away." </p><p>kihyun tries not to laugh so it doesn't jostle changkyun's place on his chest. it's hard to hold in. </p><p>"so you ran away from <em>me</em>, princess peach, but fought bowser with no second thought?" </p><p>now they're both holding in laughter. changkyun flattens his palm out on kihyun's stomach to stabilize himself. kihyun's warm and changkyun likes it, so he sneaks his hand under kihyun's thin t-shirt to touch his skin directly. </p><p>"princess peach?" he asks, looking up at kihyun's face. there's a blush high on his cheeks and it matches his hair. changkyun rubs his thumb over his belly button. </p><p>"jooheon told me i'm princess peach and you came to defend me. i guess what makes you mario," kihyun explains. he tries to focus on his own hand in changkyun's hair instead of the butterflies in his belly. </p><p>changkyun snorts, licking the inside of his bottom lip out of habit. it still tastes like pennies. "princess peach has blonde hair."</p><p>"i know! he also ate these smelly chips and got them all over his shirt, and i don't even think he ever picked the bag up after it fell on the floor. it was terrible," kihyun complains. </p><p>if changkyun could smile wide without his lip bleeding and jaw making his ripped in half earlobe ache, he would be smiling super wide. </p><p>"jooheon means well," he's speaking softly, and pretty much directly into kihyun's chest, but he's half hoping that means kihyun won't hear the next part. "i really appreciate you staying. with jooheon, at the hospital, i mean. i know i'm not the best at feelings, but even i can understand this probably isn't something you needed right now. i really did mean well, i think. i just... i know i haven't always been the most... respectful, but the idea of him drunk, standing over you, not letting you leave the apartment with your stuff made my brain think of all the things he could do if things got worse and i just... came." </p><p>something cold and a little sharp rubs against changkyun's forehead, and he looks up to see that it's kihyun's nose. kihyun, who's lashes are now wet, is nuzzling into the top of his head and letting out shaky breaths. </p><p>the emotion that stirs up in changkyun is so much more than he thought he was capable of feeling a month ago, a week ago, and he's overwhelmed.</p><p>he tilts his head up, the hand under kihyun's shirt smoothly over kihyun's toned stomach to his waist and curling around it. he must look ridiculous, busted lip pouting and one puppy dog eye. it works, nonetheless, because kihyun leans down to kiss his puffy, gross mouth. </p><p>the whimpers that changkyun lets out into kihyun's warm mouth is downright pathetic and he doesn't care. kihyun is kissing him so carefully, all gentle presses and little sighs, and changkyun is going to melt. the pressure is soft, but it feels more intense against his sensitive lips.</p><p>it doesn't take long for changkyun's lip to split back open where it's busted. he can feel a little dribble of blood run out of the corner of his mouth, and then kihyun pulls away just an inch. changkyun thinks they'll stop, now, which is a shame because he kind of likes the taste of blood when it's accompanied by kihyun's mouth, but they don't stop. kihyun doesn't, anyways. he flattens his tongue out and licks changkyun's bottom lip like he's a fawn at a salt lick. </p><p><em>yeah, fuck being an incel</em>, changkyun thinks.</p><p>he whines and digs his nails into kihyun's waist. kihyun shushes him but it just makes his feel needier. </p><p>kihyun must not really mind the noise, because there's a smile pressed back against his mouth by the time he gets kihyun's thigh between his legs. he's pressing so hard into kihyun's side that he feels like he's crawling into his skin and he kind of wants to. as an alternative, he ruts against him like a big dumb dog. kihyun's jeans are rough against the silky fabric of his gym shorts, and it feels so good. </p><p>between the pressure on his now very hard dick, the taste of kihyun and his own blood mixing together in his mouth, the sound of kihyun breathing roughly through his nose, and the leftover buzz of hospital strength drugs, changkyun doesn't last long. he cums with a pitiful cry of kihyun's name and his whole body shakes. </p><p>like the incel he previously was, changkyun falls asleep directly after, without even a glance at kihyun's situation. kihyun's situation, which is straining against the zipper of his jeans. </p><p>kihyun sighs and wiggles his way out from under changkyun's dead weight. he goes into the guest bathroom and jerks off into the toilet. as he breathes through the come down, he considers letting changkyun sleep in his sticky shorts as revenge, but the thought makes his heart ache. <em>fuck</em>. </p><p>he stares at the blood on his mouth in the mirror while he washes his hands. he makes sure the water is warm and grabs a rag from the towel rack. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was super trope-y even for me but can't resist Changkyun and Blood. the true otp!! also: /i/ have transverse lobe piercings and think abt changkyun getting them to soothe myself to bed every night. </p><p>my new changki twit au can be read <a href="https://twitter.com/changkisau/status/1267245719385247747">here</a>!! and follow me on my main too cowards! &gt;:]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. It’s Only Sex</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Lv0Turv4uPDANcceNDP4y?si=TDHE5N3qTuWZOdEMWQoduw">PLAYLIST</a>
</p><p> </p><p>.......... hey guys. it's baaaaack and they're fuckin</p><p>enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>changkyun's lip is fully healed by the time he gets the balls to fuck. </p><p>kihyun's been super understanding about it. he's played nurse, he's awkwardly greeted changkyun's mom about three times now. he's made an effort to get closer with jooheon. he never even complains when changkyun cums in his pants from some kissing and heavy petting.</p><p>he's kind of perfect. it's driving changkyun insane. </p><p>it's not like he doesn't want it. he wants it so fucking bad, but he doesn't know what exactly it is that he wants. he doesn't know what to ask kihyun for. </p><p>he's pretty sure kihyun gets fucked, doesn't do the fucking, but he's also progressed enough to wonder if he just thinks that because kihyun looks so pretty in his makeup. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"are you a bottom?"</p><p>kihyun chokes on the carrot he'd just popped in his mouth. he's cooking a stir fry in changkyun's kitchen. he'd forgotten to pick anything up on his way over and changkyun's parents don't keep much in the house. he'd found some old rice that smelled fine in the back of the fridge and some veggies from the last time he cooked here. he makes a mental reminder to start buying changkyun groceries more often before he replies. </p><p>"i don't know, changkyun," he starts slowly. "do you think i am?"</p><p>changkyun has the gall to look contemplative. kihyun rolls his eyes, but he makes sure his back it turned enough that changkyun won't see. </p><p>"i'm not sure," changkyun admits. </p><p>kihyun hums. "why are you suddenly thinking about this, hm?" </p><p>there's a couple seconds of only the sound of vegetables sizzling. kihyun adds some garlic salt, glad changkyun's parents at least keep some spices in their cabinets. </p><p>"well," changkyun sighs, "i've been trying to figure out what i am. like, if i'm a top or a bottom. and i kind of figured i'd just be whatever you're not." </p><p>kihyun hums again, trying to contain how fucking adorable the dumb, wonderful boy he's cooking for is. he lowers the heat on the stove so he can give said boy his full attention. </p><p>he goes to sit in changkyun's lap where he's sitting at the little table his family has shoved against the only available wall in the kitchen. he sits side saddle, crossing his legs and looking at changkyun with flirty lashes. he throws an arm around changkyun's shoulders for good measure. </p><p>"do you want to fuck me, changkyun?" he asks, letting his other hand smooth through the long wisps of hair changkyun's been letting grow recently, "or would you like me to fuck you, baby?" </p><p>"my mom is working a double," changkyun says, eyes not quite focused on kihyun's face. before kihyun can ask what that has to do with anything, changkyun gulps and continues, "and either." </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>the sound changkyun makes is endearingly whiny that kihyun lets out a huff of laughter. changkyun's cute little face is scrunched up in pleasure, fingers dipping into the bed sheets. his back is arching every so slightly off the bed, head pressing back into his pillow. </p><p>supporting himself with his hands on changkyun's chest, kihyun starts to move his hips slightly. </p><p>"fuck," changkyun groans. his hands fly up to kihyun's waist. he opens his eyes, mouth still hanging open. kihyun's is trying to keep his breath even, overwhelmed by how full he feels. he's wanted this for so long, he can't believe he's finally getting it. </p><p>"do i feel good, baby?" he breathes out, starting to sit up on his knees. it's like every little slide in and out of him is pulling a string in changkyun's chest, the way his back bows and relaxes. </p><p>changkyun nods so enthusiastically, even giving him an experimental thrust. kihyun gasps, head dropping. </p><p>“it’s so warm,” changkyun whines. it’s not the sexiest way kihyun has ever heard himself described, but it makes his heart swell regardless. this is so new, changkyun’s so new. fresh, pure, dumb, and all kihyun’s. </p><p>kihyun likes it, likes how dumb changkyun sounds. he wants to hear more. </p><p>“keep talking,” he whispers. changkyun’s given up on helping now and is just taking it, nails digging into the meat of kihyun’s hips. “tell me  how it feels, sweetheart.” </p><p>the pet name makes changkyun whine in the back of his throat, pretty little brows knitting together. </p><p>kihyun starts to pick up the pace and the sound of skin on skin is intoxicating. kihyun still wants to hear his boy, though. he runs one of his hands up changkyun’s chest to his jaw, tipping his head back so he has access to his throat. it glistens with sweat and kihyun leans down to lick it off. it’s salty on his tongue, and it gets changkyun’s moving. </p><p>“so good, ki,” he starts, “you’re so fucking warm, so tight. how do you move like this? fuck.” </p><p>kihyun smiles against his neck. the angle is even better for him now, leaning down to keep his face in changkyun’s neck. he hadn’t expected for their first time to be this good, even with himself in the driver’s seat. </p><p>“practice,” kihyun finally answers. changkyun shivers, starts trying to find kihyun’s lips. </p><p>humoring him, kihyun licks into his mouth. changkyun melts all over again. </p><p>“i want you to teach me,” changkyun says when they finally pull apart. kihyun nods, sitting back up straight and letting his head fall back. “i wanna learn how to fuck you good, please, you deserve it.” </p><p>kihyun looks back down at changkyun, spread out underneath him and flushed down his chest. his neck is marked up from kihyun’s mouth and he looks so fucked out, chest heaving and eyes shiny. he’s looking at kihyun like he hung the fucking moon, sun and stars. kihyun feels nauseous, and a beat later, realizes it might be love. </p><p>“yeah,” he assures, bringing a hand back to changkyun’s face, “i’ll teach you, baby. move.” </p><p>it only takes that one little word and changkyun’s frantic, hips thrusting up to meet kihyun’s bounces and hands making their way up kihyun’s back, pulling him down against him. kihyun can feel the bed moving and realizes changkyun’s trying to get some leverage by bending his knees and planting his feet on the bed, and the angle changes so sweetly when he finally manages to.</p><p>the first real, leveraged thrust he gets knocks the breath out of kihyun. it’s still a little off kilter, changkyun not quite pulling out far enough before he’s desperately pushing back in, but fuck. it’s so earnest kihyun feels like he might cry. </p><p>“yeah,” he encourages, kissing changkyun’s jaw, cheeks, wherever his lips can reach from how tight changkyun’s holding him to him. </p><p>“yeah?” changkyun asks, getting confident enough to grope at kihyun’s ass, pulling his cheeks apart and pushing them back together clumsily. it makes kihyun’s knees so weak and his new splayed position in changkyun’s lap allows his dick to rub against changkyun’s stomach. he sees white. </p><p>“yes,” he cries out, rutting down hard every time changkyun bottoms out, “yes, changkyun, yes. you’re, oh fuck, you’re doing so good. i feel so good.”</p><p>changkyun lets out a loud sob at that and cums, shaking and crying. his hips stay off the bed, trying to get deeper and deeper.</p><p>kihyun chokes on his own spit. he wishes they had skipped the condom so he could<em> feel</em> changkyun's cum. he settles for shoving a hand in between them, barely having room to jerk himself off with how close they are. he wants to rock his hips so fucking bad, but he thinks changkyun might actually die if he overstims him. </p><p>"kihyun," changkyun moans, finally relaxing his hips back down onto the bed, spent. it makes kihyun sink down with him, gasping as that little bit more filling him up just right. he presses his forehead against changkyun's, breathing into his mouth and releasing between their stomachs. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"is this a new guy?" changkyun asks, tone implying he already knows the answer. </p><p>"are you calling me a whore?" jooheon jokes, mostly. he turns around from his closet, holding up two shirts. changkyun points to the navy button up and jooheon nods, putting the other one back. he moves over to his dresser to pick out a necklace. <br/>
<br/>
changkyun shrugs, leans back into jooheon's pillows. "it's just, like, the third guy this week..."</p><p>"i'm in my slut phase!" jooheon defends. "you're still in your virgin phase. we all have our lanes."</p><p>it's suspiciously silent. jooheon turns around slowly, eyes wide for the dramatics. "you're still in your virgin phase, right?"</p><p>changkyun hides behind a pillow. </p><p>“no fucking way!” </p><p>“what?” changkyun asks, muffled from his face being shoved into a pillow but still attempting to be casual. </p><p>“what the fuck do you mean, what? you had sex, dude! you had sex with kihyun!” </p><p>“it’s just sex,” changkyun dismisses, finally sitting back up. he's beet red. </p><p>jooheon tries to school his face. he can’t laugh. </p><p>“yeah,” he nods, “totally. it's just sex. you're in your having sex phase now. casual. no biggie.” </p><p>there’s a few seconds of silence where changkyun’s face kind of glazes over and jooheon knows he’s thinking about the exact sex that is totally not a big deal. </p><p>he goes back to looking through his messages, but he can't pass up this golden opportunity. he bites back a smirk and turns to ask, “so who topped?” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>eventually i plan to go back through and flesh out this universe a bit more, but i hope you've what it is so far!! i rlly love these characters so maybe they'll be in smth again sometime too. comments r appreciated and i am always down to talk abt incel ck on <a href="https://twitter.com/1percentis">twit</a></p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come talk to me on twitter for more bad takes and changki bs <a href="https://twitter.com/1percentis">@1percentis</a>. pls excuse me having no followers i have been on an extended internetz break after past fandoms lol. also my twit icon is the inspo for kihyun's cottagecore aesthetic in this fic heh</p></blockquote></div></div>
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